For young people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, the holidays can be an exceptionally challenging time. For many, the dynamics with family members can leave us feeling vulnerable, anxious, and emotionally drained—both during and after holiday gatherings. The lead-up to these events can also cause stress as we anticipate how things might unfold. Recognizing the emotional difficulties that the season can bring, it's important to have a plan for self-care and to support ourselves through these tough moments.
What Is a Self-Care Plan?
Self-care plans can look different for everyone—they are as unique as the individuals who create them! The most important thing to remember is that whatever you're feeling is valid. You deserve to feel supported, loved, and accepted for who you are, even if sometimes that support doesn't come from the people you wish it would. In those times, self-care can be a way to show up for yourself when you need it most.
Self-care can help us regain a sense of calm and offer us some control in situations where things might feel overwhelming. The best way to approach self-care during the holidays is to think ahead and identify strategies that could help you feel supported before, during, and after these gatherings.
Self-Care Before the Holidays
Before the holiday season arrives, it can be incredibly helpful to find a friend, trusted adult, or counselor to talk with about your worries and emotions. This can help you clarify what you’re feeling and identify what kinds of support you might need. Having someone who listens and understands can be a huge source of comfort, especially when you might be feeling alone or uncertain.
If you're attending a family gathering and know that there are people there who support your identity, consider reaching out to them ahead of time. Let them know what you might need, or simply ask if they can check in with you during the event. It can be reassuring to know that you have an ally there, even if they’re not directly involved in the conversation.
Self-Care During the Holidays
As you step into a holiday gathering, it’s important to remember that your identity is not defined by whether or not your family understands or affirms it. You are the expert of your own experience, and you are valid no matter what others may say or do. That said, we know that hearing this doesn’t always make it easier when those around us aren’t offering the acceptance we deserve.
One self-care tool that has helped many people is creating an affirmation that you can repeat to yourself when you're feeling anxious or upset. It might be a simple phrase like “I am valid,” “I deserve love and support,” or something more personal to your experience. Repeating these words in your head can help ground you during moments of tension or discomfort.
It can also help to stay connected to someone you trust throughout the event. If you have a supportive friend or family member who can text you during the gathering, this can provide a sense of comfort and connection. And don’t forget, it’s okay to step away for a moment if you need a break. Whether it’s a quick walk outside, a trip to the bathroom, or just finding a quiet space to recharge, taking time for yourself is an essential form of self-care.
For transgender and gender non-conforming people who experience dysphoria (or for anyone whose physical expression is important to their identity), it might be helpful to think about small ways you can affirm yourself during these gatherings. Some people find comfort in wearing something that feels affirming. This can be something that is visible to others if that’s safe for you, or it can be something you wear under your clothing whether it’s a piece of jewelry, clothing, or undergarment that feels right for you. You can choose to make these items visible if it’s safe to do so, or keep them hidden as a private form of self-affirmation. Whatever works for you is valid.
Post-Holiday Self-Care
Once the holidays are over, it’s just as important to have a plan for aftercare. The emotional toll of family gatherings can linger, and taking time to unwind and process your experiences is essential for maintaining your well-being. Reach out to someone supportive, or do something comforting like watching a favorite show, journaling about your experiences, creating art, or taking a relaxing bath. Many LGBTQ+ people find that connecting with LGBTQ+ content—whether it’s watching YouTubers, reading blogs, or engaging with online communities—helps remind us that we’re not alone in our experiences.
We are Here for You
The holidays can be especially difficult for LGBTQ+ youth. Whether you’re navigating strained family relationships, facing rejection, or feeling isolated, the holidays can bring up painful emotions. Some LGBTQ+ young people may even experience homelessness, violence, or suicidal thoughts during this time.
Creating a self-care plan is a powerful tool in helping us manage these feelings and show ourselves the love and care we deserve. If you ever need support, know that the 988 crisis line is here for you 24/7.
Counselors are available through the Lifeline, Chat, and Text programs offered via the Trevor Project to talk about anything you're going through.
Help is also available locally. Bloom House Youth Services is a drop in center and shelter that offers shelter and services to homeless and runaway youth and any youth in need who may be housing insecure or at risk. Their services include trauma-informed art therapy and case management services, fiduciary services, referrals to other area resources, access to food, bathrooms and laundry facilities, a safe place to study, gather, learn life skills, have fun, and always - we have safe adults if you or someone you know needs to talk.
Take care of yourself this holiday season—you are worthy of love and support, and you are never alone.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988. https://988lifeline.org/
The Trevor Project: LGBTQ Crisis Line: Text ‘START’ to 678-678 https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
Bloom House Youth Services: https://www.bloomhouseks.org/#/
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